“I think that all of these situations start out with the potential cycle-breaker feeling flattered by the attention and promises of change, but the reality is that these kinds of manipulators — or even ‘abusers,’ if you will — don’t change, but their partners have to, “The cycle-breaker needs to set boundaries quickly before getting sucked in again and again.”
Stop The Heart Break
No one wants their partner to walk away leaving them alone especially if you love your boyfriend more than life itself. You must use these feelings to help you control your emotions and keep a level head. Your first goal is to allow your emotions to settle and avoid doing and saying things you may regret.
The problem with being manipulated this way (and one of the reasons it’s so difficult to spot) is because it feels good to be pursued by someone who didn’t appreciate you before. Being “Hoovered” makes you feel vindicated because this person finally seems to have realized the error of her/her ways and saying all the right things to you. Your needs are being met, and you’re happy… for a little while, anyway. Unfortunately, the reality is that a “Hooverer” will give you just enough attention to keep you hooked, though this person may not even be cognizant that he or she is doing this to you. Your on-again, off-again partner just wants to keep you in his/her life — on that person’s terms, of course — and to somehow maintain the connection.
What Exactly am I talking about? You may ask.
Here is the deal; You are a girl who probably had this guy who is or was your first love. You had a fantastic passionate relationship together and just when you thought that this was meant to last forever, your dude breaks up with you without any warning.
You start wondering what could have gone wrong and ask yourself questions such as. What did I do to set him off? When you try to confront him with questions about why he left, he either finds a way to avoid the topic or tells you that it was not you, it was him and he just needed some time off. Some of you even get desperate because you loved the guy so much and start following him around to see who he hooks up with next so that you can try to find out what he wanted that you did not provide.
But here’s the question you must ask yourself: Is this a healthy relationship for you to be in? It takes two people to let this pattern happen in the first place (i.e., the victim has to be open to getting sucked back into the relationship…which isn’t hard to imagine if you truly care about someone). That said, if you realize that the situation is wearing you down more than it’s building you up, it may be time for a change.
Another tip is to go to places that your boyfriend likes to go but
don't be obvious about your intentions of getting back together.
For instance, you could go to a fast food restaurant or a coffee shop in which both of you go to frequently so it looks like you're just dropping in and he just happened to be there. Also going to parties that are hosted by mutual friends is a good idea.
Don't do something weird like drive for an hour to have dinner at a restaurant near by his workplace just so you can talk to him. This would just make you look very obvious in your intentions of getting back together with him.
Try to be the person who your ex boyfriend fell in love with and he will eventually want you back.
For instance, you could go to a fast food restaurant or a coffee shop in which both of you go to frequently so it looks like you're just dropping in and he just happened to be there. Also going to parties that are hosted by mutual friends is a good idea.
Don't do something weird like drive for an hour to have dinner at a restaurant near by his workplace just so you can talk to him. This would just make you look very obvious in your intentions of getting back together with him.
Try to be the person who your ex boyfriend fell in love with and he will eventually want you back.
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